It’s the, “are we being good or bad tonight?” inquiry before the waiter even approaches the table. It’s your adult friend pacing around your kitchen island until her Fitbit vibrates; the 10,000 step benchmark distracting her from really listening to you talk about your hard day. It’s the “I like to drink my carbs, not eat them” comment from the two middle aged women you’re waiting on who order two bottles of wine and two salads at their 2pm lunch date…how fitting.
It’s the woman in her closet trying on clothes she fit in before she gave birth and crying because she feels like she has lost a part of herself—a former self, who fit in clothes a little bit smaller—and feeling like somehow she has failed. It’s the woman beaming from the surprise of her engagement but ultimately worried about the weight she believes must lose to be deserving of getting married.
It’s “friends just being friends” and telling one another that certain clothing reveals too much muffin top or not enough cleavage, despite asking whether it's comfortable or appealing to the person with the body who is wearing it.
It’s the Keto diet, or the “I’m not eating carbs” comment, or Weight Watchers. It’s the “ice cream is bad for you” declaration and the removal of this delicious item from the home in an attempt to protect innocent lives from it’s perceived viciousness.
It’s the doctor who tells a minor that they are “overweight” and instructs the parent to better supervise their child’s eating and exercise behavior because, even though the prevalence of eating disorders in adolescents is higher, the doctor is more concerned about type II diabetes.
It’s the questioning of someone’s weight, veiled as “concern,” without inquiry into their mental health, their happiness; devoid of any respect for the individual’s knowledge of their own body’s physical and medical wellbeing.
It’s a celebrity’s restrictive diet and women trying to simulate it. It’s a 14 year old girl wondering why her mom is doing a juice cleanse and questioning whether she needs to do the same. And the 11 year old girl not knowing what to eat because her doctor told her to “take it easy on the carbs” and she doesn’t know what carbs are or why she must “take it easy on them.” It’s the 17 year old girl not caring about her SATs because 75% of her day is spent thinking about whether her appearance is acceptable enough to survive senior year.
It’s puberty, is pregnancy, it’s post-partum, it’s menopause. And it’s every single life experience in between. It’s women’s ever-changing bodies and a deep seeded belief system that resists these changes. And it’s women trying to cope with it all… ultimately, rejecting and resisting their changing bodies too.
And it’s why I’m a dietitian. Because, like many other women, I too was once that young girl who became so distracted by the dissatisfaction of my own body that I lost focus on things that were actually important. Yet, while I have spent years learning how to protect myself and see through the bullshit, I witness others being suffocated by it on a daily basis. And I just want to clear the air so people can b.r.e.a.t..h.e.
And so I do my best to help individuals make peace with food and their bodies, promote positive changes, and reduce shame…but sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough and very often feels like swimming against the current. I just really, really want young girls to be afforded the opportunity to work towards goals other than getting a “bikini body.”
But we have to do it together.. All of us. Parents, doctors, nurses, school teachers, coaches, counselors, and even dietitians…all of us influence a child’s perception of their body and their health and so it is wise to heal our own relationships with food and our bodies to prevent our shame from continuing to persist through generations. Because, believe it or not, young girls who become adult women aren’t born hating their bodies…they are conditioned to do so.
Here are some really great resources to start:
Anti Diet by Christy Harrison
Body of Truth by Harriet Brown
Body Kindness by Rebecca Strichfield
Body Respect by Linda Bacon and Lucy Aphramor
Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch