One of my current responsibilities at work is to provide monthly support groups. This month I decided to have the topic focus around self-care and self-love because I believe it is an under-appreciated yet highly necessary component to achieving and maintaining health. At the support group we talked about appreciating our bodies for the gifts they provide us--apart from any perceived aesthetic appeal (or perceived lack of). For example, having gratitude for your arms because they allow you to hug the people you love (rather than condemning/shaming them because they are not thin enough or not toned enough). Or, loving your legs because they allow you to travel through your life. Keep in mind, not everyone has the luxury to do these things.
I am aware that it is much, much easier to focus on the things we are dissatisfied about with our appearance. It is indoctrinated into our society, for both men and women alike, that our value is in part based on the way we look. It is bullshit. I, just like anyone else, get trapped into believing this myth. Something that helps me check in is having gratitude for the simplest of things. I am grateful for my hands because they are allowing me to type right now. Cheesy? Yes. But it takes far more effort to bring the attention back to gratitude because most of the energy about our physicality is not in this space.
Yesterday I was in a dressing room trying on clothes. In the changing room next to me I heard what sounded like a younger girl. She was apparently going to Atlantic City for the evening. "I wish I had better boobs," she said, not once, but three times. As I looked in the mirror I realized that I didn't like the shirt I picked out; it just didn't fit right. A younger version of myself would have blamed my body for not fitting correctly into the shirt. Had I not overheard the young girl condemning her boobs for not being "better" (whatever that means) I would not have realized how far along I have come in self-acceptance. Yet, I still have moments when I shame myself and my body. I stress this point only to bring awareness to the idea that it takes a conscious effort, daily, to fight the messages we have been given and belief systems we have built around our appearance.
During support group, I asked if anyone had ever dieted before. It was a unanimous "yes." I explained that exercising and making healthy food choices can be a act of self-care but ONLY when it comes from a place of self-love. For example, exercising because you know it will make you feel good and/or you love seeing your friends at a certain exercise class, etc. is significantly different than going to the gym because you had an extra slice of pizza the night before and you need to burn the extra calories. There is a distinct difference in the intention. When judgement is our motivation to "diet" or exercise we are unconsciously telling ourselves that we are not good enough and this typically does not foster sustainable behaviors and it definitely does not create healthy relationships with our bodies, exercise, and food.
When you choose to make healthy choices for your body, apart from trying to manipulate its appearance, it feels SO much better and it is EASIER. There is no pressure. When you make a healthy food choice because you LOVE YOURSELF enough to feed it good food, it FEELS GOOD. Compare this to "dieting" where typically people are restricting their intake and feeding their bodies food they don't want. This usually doesn't work because it does not feel good. Maybe its just me, but I believe health is trying to make ourselves feel as good as possible at all times. Sometimes this means French fries and beer with friends. Sometimes this means a green smoothie and yoga. Sometimes this means wine, ice cream and Netlix. Sometimes this means a 5 mile run and a home cooked meal. Whatever it is, it should be because you love yourself enough to take care of yourself and give yourself what you need.